Hello peepz, as startup entrepreneur you know that the days are always too short and it’s pretty fair to assume life’s to short for everything I got planned or will be planning. Recognize that? Well do we have some great news for you tonight! What if I tell you that you can now look hotter than the hottest model and become physically immortal? Well halleluja-can-I-get-an-amen Yes We Can!
Actually, I found out we already can since 1996 but this news just hasn’t reached me until now, lucky us we’re still alive. After Albert Einstein, Thomas A. Edison and Nikola Tesla (who? this guy) allow me to introduce to you the Genius of this era: Alex Chui, self proclaimed bringer of beauty and eternal life, savior of our earth.
Alex Chui has cracked the formula on eternal life! Some ingenius magnetic device but not just any magnets but neodymium magnets, you know, the shit that really works!
The Immortality Rings have amplified your body’s Chi flow from 100% to 1000%. Now there is lots of Chi energy available for healing. Your cells start to absorb medication and nutrients like crazy the moment you lie down. Your body heals itself faster than it can age. This is the biggest technology break-through in this century.
I mean this is great but his own lawyer seem to have some doubts: “…Our lawyer told us to use the word believe…” which brings us to the legal side, speedy delivery is guaranteed, the rest is based on the legal term “my devices are believed to do….”. Well, if you want to wait for prove that can take an eternity….
For people that are already old and wrinkled and think they’re too late, Alex wouldn’t be Alex if he didn’t have a great solution for that as well, just take a daily dosis of the gorgeous pill.
This pill was named ‘Gorgeous Pill’ because it turns a user prettier every time the pill was taken. The user will gradually look PERFECT, even more gorgeous than super models. You will one day reach PHYSICAL PERFECTION!!
So there you go peepz, eternal life and more gorgeous than the hottest super model for just a couple of hundred bucks! Don’t thank me, thank Alex Chui, the Chinese Albert Einstein of this era.
Huh? Sceptic? Don’t believe it will work? Huh? Hey, it’s f***ing patented!! Ok? And if that’s not enough, it’s “The most imporatnt invention in human history” Get it? Yeah yeah, a small typo, who cares, better check Alex’s prove.
Yeah love all you want, almost all geniuses get their share of recognition after they died… damn!